This is a perfect example of where dialogue would make a huge difference. Maybe it is just a matter of I am tired of wracking my brain endlessly to put the pieces together. It is certain that it would all come so much more easily with someone engaged, as I am, in elevating humanity to a sentient, loving, caring existence, free of the dystopia in which we remain immerse. This is just such a significant piece of the puzzle. It can clear up any confusion, but "discussing it with myself" is just too much for me any longer. I tried to rewrite the words to convey the message and am finding it more difficult than I feel like dealing with any longer.
I am attempting to explain the forces that damage our self-respect and leave us like puppets on a string. All due to humanity's inability to make coitus a human endeavour. This is freedom, if it is ever attained.
Self-respect
Our self-respect, as a race and individuals, has been damaged ever since we realized that coitus was not acceptable in its current form to a sentient race. The obdurate way in which we have avoided clarity on the subject has damaged our self-respect. The loss of self-respect begins in men, when they reach puberty. It is passed onto women through domination, distraction, and distortions to the human condition.
While coitus has been perfection for the conception of children and the propagation of a species, there has always been something missing, long before humanity arrived. We convince ourselves that it must remain missing or 'that's just the way it is' because we are no better than an animal. That should stun you.
Loving should begin with the act of coitus. It should not be reserved only for the conception of children. That is an animal's stupoured thought. We are obsessed with having children, which should be expected from an animal that has attained a higher level of thinking but never attained a sentient perspective.
We first realized the riddle, or at least expressed it in multiple ways, beginning about three thousand years ago. At that point, a few, at least, struggled with the conundrum before it was buried under by fiction, farce, and force.
The damage to humanity's self-respect only began with the realization as our heightened awareness began to make itself known and the growing realization that there was more that the act of coitus should express. It should express love. Other ways in which to make the physical expression of love, through mutual satisfaction, are all well and good but they are all a substitute for the single uniquely human way in which to do so.
Since it was up to one gender to make the act of coitus human and loving, that gender has gone through three millennia-long mental gymnastics, delusions, and deceptions like an illusionist's attempt to play 'look over there, not over here'. It could be suggested it has been a game of hide and seek, except that we have never, ever sought resolution in a sentient manner.
The barren prospect of bedding a woman with coitus in which he is only taking and giving very little in return has caused endless contortions and distortions to the sexual landscape of humanity.
Yes, any form of sharing that love is better than none. The only real problem is that we have avoided the only one that is uniquely human and humanity can achieve with ease: unassisted loving coitus, if it would only try. It is the only form of sex that is uniquely and distinctly human. No other living being can fulfill, or even conceive of loving coitus. So far, that includes humans. All it takes is men realizing they can be masters of their own bodies.
That is the problem we have already faced that first damaged humanity's self-respect long ago.
We conceived of the proposition three millennia ago, long before we could do anything about it.
Men's self-respect was cut off at the knees. They were not equipped, at the time, to succeed at what their increasing sentient awareness made apparent. Instead, they self-respect became damaged as they excused the problem, since they were unable to do anything about it. That has changed.
The broken self-respect in themselves and others was collateral damage caused by sentient awareness realizing that coitus could be so much more before humanity was equipped to comprehend the realization and do something about it.
Maybe the best description of it I ever came up with is that when every man knows how to love there are no Don Juans or Casanovas, just loving men.
Shame, guilt, and self-respect
This was my second attempt to clarify the forces that prevent us from becoming human.
This is another way to discuss self-respect and the internal and external forces that make us act as we do. I've talked about it as such for a long time. I finally have a name for the internal forces. Self-respect, shame, and guilt.
The external forces have names like peer or cultural pressure, religion, laws. The external forces attempt to try to drive individuals in a certain direction by playing on internal forces guilt and shame. It is not always purposeful, as with some (many?) corporate cultures that influence people towards sociopathy. Unfortunately, the forces that play to the animal have been reinforced by those that only see the animal, like economics. They proclaim what they see, an animal, never even considering why the animal traits remain in force.
External forces are never entirely successful at overcoming internal forces. The external forces to instill good behaviour are currently confronted with internal forces of shame and guilt. The self-respect that needs no external forces to support it has remained in shambles. Sociopathy has been very successful, because of the current state of shame and guilt of the prehuman. Since the beginning, those feelings of shame and guilt have been disguised behind masks of pompousness and bombast. Of late, it has been known as toxic masculinity. What I have written in all of the books is why those forces of shame and guilt have remained and why the human state of self-respect has remained unattained.
Internal forces have never really been considered before, except as a fulcrum to be used by external forces. The external forces to induce good behaviour have played on the shame and guilt. It is almost as if the female gender sensed what was going on with men long, long ago. For obvious reasons that can only work to the slightest extent.
The internal force that counts is self-respect. It remains absent in men for the reason I have discussed endlessly. The internal forces all come down to whether the individual's self-respect remains completely in tact. Shame and guilt prey and weaken one's self-respect. Self-respect is the only internal force that has no need to be prodded in the direction of doing the right thing and cannot be persuaded or convinced to do the wrong thing.
Women's self-respect has no naturally occurring internal weaknesses. There is nothing in a woman to create weakness in her view of self. Men, on the other hand, are assaulted from inside due to a single feeling of weakness. From the time men reach puberty, their inability to make coitus a loving act begins to haunt them. It has haunted men since the time we first woke to our sentient consciousness that includes an incredibly enhanced awareness of existence. That awareness quickly perceived the inequitable situation of coitus in its animal form. That can be dated, without doubt, to have occurred three thousand years ago. We are not just animals. As we became aware of the situation, men's evolving self-respect became assaulted by shame and guilt.
Women keep their self-respect in tact unless it is battered by outside forces which are applied by men. Men never fully attain their self-respect due to the internal forces of shame and guilt as they realize that they are not providing equitably for women when it comes to loving coitus. As if our sentient consciousness was not enough, the eye to eye nature of human coitus reinforces the shame and feelings of guilt. That is when and where our sentient state becomes compromised.
External forces are used by women to try to prop men up, belay their feelings of shame. Men use external forces to try to bring women low because of men's internally generated shame due to their inability to love a woman wholly in the eye to eye proposition that Nature provided. Nothing less than success at loving coitus has a chance to end the circuitous nonsense.
Women have bent over backwards since the beginning in an attempt to make men feel alright about it. Men have done everything in their power to obfuscate the situation through distraction. "Look over there. Not over here." This has confounded our sentient existence since the beginning.
The core problem is that men could never face up to the gap in human life caused by rutting coitus. It is not a sentient endeavor. That is so clear that we created a stupour to hide it away. It has always needed to be superseded by loving coitus. This is why they have so forcefully taken the reins of society. The situation has never improved due to men and they know it. They have just never been able to face it. That and only that generates the chaos that has bent the back of the human condition to the point of breaking.
It was stupoured of humanity to do so, but that should be expected when sophisticated communication in the form of words and heightened thought and awareness developed long before the knowledge necessary to even comprehend the situation clearly and cogently. The awareness of the situation did not coincide with the eloquence and capable articulation necessary to assess the situation dispassionately. Instead, it was buried deeply in the subconscious. The lack of knowledge also prevented men from realizing that they can overcome the simple animal instincts that cause them to fall short of the target. The blinded mindset instilled long ago has prevented men from ever considering that this can change, that loving coitus can easily supersede rutting coitus. Instead, they become increasingly convinced that there was nothing to be done. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, they have persisted in assuming failure is their lot in life.
Men have never seriously considered that our sentient nature, our intellect and ability to think can overcome the inhibitions of the past and the animal instincts. They can. Easily. The initial effort will be tremendous but the results crucially necessary. Men can become master of their bodies. Success at loving coitus can become as natural as the failure to do so is for an animal.
I have said often that 99% of men fall short of the real target of human, loving coitus. The target that has been adopted by men, in their shame, is to suggest that a two or three minutes timespan is to be expected. This is supposed to make men feel better. It does not. The target has nothing to do with time. It has to do with loving a woman. Until men learn to love unassisted, they will continue to be burdened with shame. So far, that shame and guilt have remained hidden in the shadows. The shame and guilt has led men to the preposterous antics that they have continued to enact for millennia, becoming more and more preposterous as time progresses. If you cannot look around and see the ludicrousness and ineptness of our current situation, you should not be reading this.
The open acceptance of the situation, even as it is, would alleviate the shame and guilt to some extent. It would, at least, allow us to comprehend our situation without blinders. As long as men feel the shame but never identify it, they will fall back on the reactions and responses of an animal. An animal has no self-respect. It only knows survival. It (the human equivalent) will scrape, lie, cheat, steal, kill, and distract when outside forces have had no effect to raise them above their lowest animal level. This is the war of the sexes. The shame and guilt must be eliminated in order for self-respect to transform the male gender into something wholly human. Other than the failure of loving coitus, there is little that can weaken a human's self-respect. Men must liberate themselves from the scourge.
Women have been attempting to use outside forces to alleviate men's suffering in shame and guilt, though I don't think many women perceive it as such. It is perceived as just attempting to tame the men into something resembling human. There is no doubt it has kept us from falling over the edge, but it is not enough. Look around. We are teetering on the edge of nuclear war. All because men have something to hide.
Men, meanwhile, have tried to drag women down to their level due to their inability to face their shame by creating distractions in the form of chaos (think Pandora's Box). Men are slowly succeeding at dragging the whole race to a bitter end.
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