Troubled

 I've been struggling with a new thought lately.  Like most of my new thoughts, it's a matter of putting together enough of the pieces to make it make sense.

It has to do with my complete bewilderment that no one can  seem to comprehend how important unassisted loving coitus is and that there is no reason for its failure to continue to exist.

It has to do with the madness that so many men are displaying today in their hate, viciousness, and self-centeredness.  It has to do with the breaking of self-honestly for men as the years wear on past puberty.  It is how it tears a man down over a lifetime.

It has to do with my saying, "men take, women give, and it all starts in bed".  I'd like to add to that saying.  Like, "men take, women give, and it all starts in bed.  It has been going on for a billion years because animals never had the wit to realize what was going wrong.  It has dumbed down humanity to an extent that no one yet comprehends."

It has to do with the disappointment that every single human being must encounter post-puberty.  It's a human thing, though I'm starting to wonder if animals don't have some sense of what is missing.  

For some, it hits immediately, for others, it may take decades to sink in.  Believe this.  It is happening earlier and earlier as we progress into our sentient awareness of all that goes on around us.  

The celebration of life should not begin with a child being born.  That is far too late.  The celebration of life should begin in earnest with the couple learning to love each other.  It is cut off at the knees when coitus fails to become a loving act.

I am doing my best to avoid the mounting frustration.  It has almost done me in more than once.

Let's try this.  When men reach puberty, they have to find some way to cope with the situation.  For myself, it was the slowly dawning realization that something wasn't right.  As you should know by now, it took a lifetime to figure out what was really wrong.  

I adore women.  I adore sex.  But, the two didn't converge.  I started rationalizing my situation.  For more than forty years.  While I sought answers.  It was right there in front of me but so disguised by the rationalizations of humanity that it was almost impossible to arrive at the correct answer.

This is where a lot of people branch off into other sexual orientations.  That was the easy way out that made no sense at all for me.  I could not comprehend anything but loving a woman.  Not forcing her.  Not putting on some beastly mask of monstrous proportions to convince a woman that she should bed me, when I knew better.  No other way in which to satisfy a woman presented itself in an acceptable manner.  That may be hard to explain but let's just say I'm glad I never took an alternative route to satisfying a woman.  It would have made it impossible for me to go the length and figure out what is really wrong with humanity.  I would have settled.  Like everyone else.

Humanity has always settled.  Look where that has gotten us.  

Men can learn to master their bodies through thinking that an animal cannot attain.  Men can overcome the instincts of the animal that causes coitus to remain a failure at loving - not through willpower as they have always attempted - but by thinking it through.  It is not a matter of 'holding back the tide'.  That is the stupid (stupoured) animal's approach.  It is comprehending what is going on and changing the circumstances.  I have gone a long way in finally comprehending what it takes and it is easily done.  I have just scratched the surface and, still, it is easily done.  The muscles and bodily movements that cause the beginning of the end of coitus for the man and, thereby, for the woman all too soon, can be under a man's control.  He can master his body.

Why can no one seem to see how loving coitus can change us into a loving race of sentient beings?

It has to do with the great distraction.  Maybe I am overstepping here but, it seems to me, that every time the idea that there is more to loving than we have ever admitted begins to emerge, some large portion of the male gender goes out of their way to cause a distraction.

It has to do with three millennia of such distractions.

It has to do with men losing their self-respect as the after-effects puberty begins to haunt them.  There is nothing else in the world of humanity that could cause such a loss of self-respect amongst such a huge portion of the male gender.  

More exactly, every male loses some portion of their self-respect because of the failure to succeed at loving coitus.  We know better.  Somewhere deep inside each man there is an awareness that they should be able to do better.  How could it be otherwise?  Unless a man can succeed at loving coitus, his self-respect is chipped away over a lifetime.  Some of the signs are so subtle that humanity fools itself into believing that some men do not suffer from the failure.  The attack on self-respect cannot be avoided.  Our sentient awareness is aware that there is a lack in the act of coitus.  Our sentient awareness also knows that men should be able to do better.  All it took was for me realizing that we had never taken the idea seriously.  It's the great distraction, again.  Men are so convinced that they cannot do better that they will not even consider the proposition.  They can.

The ones that really make me wonder, though, are those that proceed with engaging a woman, even though they fail to satisfy her to the extent that they themselves enjoy.  I think I said it best in, "men take, women give, and it begins in bed."  

I don't mean to be offensive but, really? ha everyone bought into for the last three millennia that men are 'just that way'?  That the incomplete man is just that way?  That they are broken and there is nothing to be done.  That they must rage and act like idiots always trying to prove themselves to no avail?  Can no one see what they can't prove??!!?!?

It does not need to continue.  Do you see my problem?  How in the hell am I supposed to get to what it is that causes everyone to veer off unless I can discuss what causes them to veer off?

Let's try this.  Does everyone agree that humanity is a mess?  Can we agree that something is wrong?  

I'm afraid, beyond that, some people will believe that it is our sentient state, our awareness of what is going on, has broken us.  If so, that is an easy one.  It is only that we have not fulfilled our sentient state.  We have not relieved the stress of the situation by admitting what is obvious.  Coitus is not up to snuff - for a sentient race - and it so easily can be.

This is where I think a lot of people become confused.  But, how can I know for certain.  A question might be how could loving coitus change our existence from a bunch of backbiting, miserable creatures into a race that can look at itself in the mirror with respect?  Does it seem unbelievable?  I don't know how to convince you otherwise, though I have written fourteen books trying to do so.  If that is where the problem is, I think a dialogue would get to the bottom of it.

Is it something else?  If there is anyone that believes men cannot do better?  Well, that would frustrate me no end.  I have also done my best to explain and resolve the situation.  It is unlikely I will be able to prove it further in this lifetime, though I keep picking away at it.  

To prove that decisively, that any man can become an unassisted lover, would be the easy way to go.  With what I know now, it would be easy to do so, if I were in my teens or twenties.  I am not.  That is what calls me on to exit abruptly.  Since I have no idea why people balk, I got so desperate that I tried that exit.  I am pretty certain, I will do it, again, at some point.  Unless someone has the wit to engage at a level that seems unlikely.

What makes it even more bewildering to me is that so many men admit to themselves that they fail at making coitus a loving event, but somehow, seem to think that other men do better?  Or, is it that they realize all men are lousy at coitus but they are willing to opt out on loving a woman, even so.

Maybe the best answer is what I have said for a long while now.  The whole sex scene (including the awful offenses against the feminine gender which are far more extensive than anyone realizes (except some few women)) will remain confusing as long as coitus remains a failure.  It is all about the absence of loving coitus.  Loving coitus will clear up everything regarding sex in a generation.

What I don't get is that no one seems to be able to admit that, at the heart of all that is wrong with humanity, sex upsets the applecart of humanity's sentient existence.  From where does all of the friction come into human life?  It is frickn' obvious, once you wipe away all of the distractions that are used to obscure the picture.

Let me rephrase.  What I don't seem to be able to convey is that sex is at the heart of all of our problems to grow up and become a respectable sentient race that can love, full of passion and joy.

I guess it all comes back to a point that I have stressed lately.  We don't have rational conversations on the subject of sex.  Everybody takes a side and, then, they argue about inconsequentials.  As if they have all of the answers, when, what comes out of their mouths are just justifications for the option they have chosen in the absence of loving coitus.  They may still choose those options in the presence of unassisted loving coitus but the reasoning will, then, be clear.  Not muddled by the absence of making coitus a loving event (which can only happen unassisted).

As long as loving coitus is so rare that most don't even believe it can exist, humanity has failed to become human.  All of the bickering, all of the nonsense that we endure resolves right back to the absence of loving coitus as the expectation of the act that we call 'making love' remains no such thing.  It produces no love until the couple shares the transcendent experience equally.

It is truly shocking that we have convinced ourselves for three millennia that we can do no better than rut like animals.

Make no mistake about it, all of the turmoil we endure is initiated by men that have spent a lifetime trying to convince themselves that they are men.  While the complexity of three millennia may make it difficult to discern, it is all there.  Men have been covering up their failure for three millennia rather than addressing the failure as human beings.

It is three millennia of delusion and the inertia of a dumb animal that makes it so difficult to comprehend.

Here is the rock and the hard place that I have been seeking.

Sigh.