Puzzles

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Hmmm.  This one's tricky.  I think it's worth posting, since it explains a lot. 

 I figured out the problem.  Why I am stuck with nowhere to go.

To my utter surprise, there are three puzzles that I needed to resolve, not one or two.

The first puzzle was: what is wrong with humanity?  It was such an eye-opener that it had taken me fifty year to even uncover it.  As I look back on the times before I realized what was wrong, I am convinced that everyone is aware of the issue at some level.  It is clear enough that everyone is repelled by its mention.  Immediately.  One can sense it and the animal's stupid warning bells clamour.

Then, there is the second puzzle, of course.  How to resolve the issue.  As I have stated before that has been the most frustrating aspect.  It took an old man to open up about the issue.  It will take a young man to thoroughly prove the issue can be overcome completely.  I could only set the stage.  Since cryptic will not do in this case, let me be clearer.  I studied and learned the simple mechanics of the operation of ejaculation.  For an animal, it is too much to learn.  For a human, it is simplicity itself to overcome.

I felt really good about the insights regarding shame, guilt, and self-respect.  It's an important insight but that focused pursuit that I have chased for all of these last fifteen years caused me to ignore the third puzzle.  As I went deeper and deeper into my understanding of the first two puzzles, I ignored the puzzle that was staring me in the face.  People have always hated change.  The reason is because of the first two puzzles, of course.  I actually get into that in some of the books.  Prehumans hate change.  Humans will relish it.  I have always relished the truth.  Change was of no importance.  It is why I could break through.

So, here I sit, the first puzzle done, the second puzzle resolved for myself but cannot be answered decisively in this lifetime in the only way that counts: love a woman all life long like she has never been loved before.  The third puzzle will require a whole lifetime to overcome  the inertia and it will take even more effort and a completely different kind of effort than that spent, so far, this lifetime.  All of the skills it took to resolve the first two puzzles don't apply at all.  I observed, studied, and puzzled over all of the inconsistencies the mount up to prehumanity.  The next step will require some level of engagement.   It will require engagement just as thorough as the observations.  Interaction and engagement are the polar opposite of observation.  Of course, there is a great deal more that can and must be explored regarding the second puzzle, as well, but I already have provided a very good handle on that.  That's about all I am likely to provide in this lifetime.  Sad that.

The incredible irony of it all continues to blow my mind.  Ten to fifteen years ago, I could have died easily.  My heart was thready.  I had a bout of cancer.  I was in really bad shape.  My musculoskeletal structure had been steadily improving but was still no great shakes.  To top it off, I had a big toe that essentially began to freeze up fifteen years ago, making it extremely difficult to walk.  This, for a man that loved to walk and, more than that, was finally in a position to spend a lot of time walking.  It didn't stop me from walking.  It just took all the joy out of it and replaced it with pain.  I've said it before, my karmic debt must have been something else.  Maybe I've paid in full.  Maybe even have some credit.

 I countered the effects of aging that end or cripple so many lives all too soon.  I realize that could change on a dime.  That's one of the reasons I attempted to make a huge change to my life.  The musculoskeletal problems are gone, though it takes a decent amount of effort to keep them gone.  Cancer was gone long ago.  Again, it takes some effort to keep it gone.  The heart is in superb shape.  Sigh. 

I have to say, the insights from this post's thought fest had a lot to do with turning things around.  No, it wasn't the biggest mover.  That would be ... well, let's say, the elegant solution of mine was just a bit too freaky at the very last moment.  Long story and, yet, it only covers a few seconds.

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