Wit's end

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This one is a little different.  I'm mostly just complaining, i think...I may delete it someday.

Or, ramble on ...

 I really like Wit's End as a name for a dead-end street.  I guess there already is more than one such.

I am there. I am at wit's end.  Everything you have read beginning in Aug 2024 has been composed over the last few months and pre-posted, scheduled for delivery at a later date.  I have it scheduled out to the 2090's for dual purposes.  I don't expect either to work.  I have more faith in reincarnation than that these postings will all be published, much less have any meaning to anyone, unless I can return to read them.

I am at the end of the line.  I am completely boxed in.  I can't imagine what else there is to say.  I can't  imagine how anyone can shrug off the reason that humanity is such a mess.  And I can't interact with the regular public knowing that they haven't a clue where I am coming from.  That doesn't leave a lot of options.

It took me well into my fifties to see the answer.  I am becoming more and more baffled by the revelation's seeming inability to penetrate the stupour.  Has everyone else seen it all their lives and just shrugged their shoulders?  Does everyone realize that the mania of humanity is caused by men's incapacity to make love and they throw up their hands in despair rather than realizing that we have never taken it seriously enough to resolve?  I cannot believe other men see it clearly or admit it, even to themselves.  There are exceptions, of course.  I feel pretty certain that there are a few women that see it but, no, it's clearly not every woman.  Not nearly.  Otherwise, my sister and so many other women wouldn't put on airs of being saintly while being married to a closet alcoholic that hates with the best of them (that's both of them, by the way).  Do you see the depth of my bafflement? 

 I can't get the slightest idea of what anyone else is thinking, unless it is as I have said often. "That's just the way it is" seems to be the mantra.  That I have heard often enough, along with the excuses why it is not important and that we should just stay insane instead.

I went to sleep last night thinking about how humanity (by that I mean women) have sought to tame men.  As if they were just another animal needing to be tamed rather than an intelligent being that can run circles around any attempts to be tamed and rationalize its way out of anything until it learns to love.  How can it possibly be that no one else can see this?  Even when I have been explaining it every which way for more than fifteen years?

Another odd occurrence last night is that I had a nightmare.  I have never had a serious nightmare in my life until just the last few months or so.  I had jokey nightmares in the past but no need to get into that.  The one last night, though, was clear.  I could not find my way around a city that I know like the back of my hand.

What's really killing me is that I have absolutely no one left with whom to talk.  I even had to disown my family for their political insanity, the ruthless bent they have begun to follow, and the witless acts that became common.  My sister was the one to suggest that I disown the whole family.  I took her up on it many years ago.  I had excluded my son from that disownership, initially, but he was the worst betrayal of all.  For years, he led me on, acting like he understood and agreed with what I was saying about all of this.  Then, he stabbed me in the back.  It became clear that he was only nodding his head for the usual reasons.  So, I disowned him as well.  Like officially and legally in my will.  He has no backbone.

I have posted bits and pieces of this stuff all over the place.  I have sent out books galore.  All in the hopes that someone would say they got what I was saying or were at least open to the possibility that I was right and were willing to discuss it with me.  I admit there is a gotcha there.  I like talking face to face.  Even though that is true, I even set these sites up so that someone could react and interact anonymously ... and nothing.  Over all of the years, in whatever way I made the insights and contact info available, not a single word.  Well, I did get a very hands-off 'kudos' from someone but that's pretty much it.  Like a spectator to the world's destruction cheering me on.  Atlas never had a clue.

I guess I understand to some extent.  Even though it is truly the only problem that counts.  Without humanity's resolution, all of the myriad existential threats we face can never be addressed.  They will just continue to pile up until we can no longer breathe, maybe literally.  "That's just the way it is", huh?  There is not a single thing that I understand about how anyone else is thinking.  My current take on it is that everyone is skeptical about the only resolution to our problems and/or sceptical that we are facing the end of a long struggle for our humanity, or feeling completely hopeless ("That's just the way it is").  It just baffles me that everyone moans about the state of the world and, yet, even when offered a lifeline, they cannot even open up a rational conversation on the subject.  They can't even hope there is a way out.  They can't even discuss it with others ("look what this guy is suggesting.  Whaddya think?)  They can't even throw out their own lifeline to help the one hope that is sinking due to their fallibility.  There really is nothing more for me to do in this life.  My head has become bloodied by pounding on that rock too long.  

It means I have to take it to the next level all alone and I can't do that in this life.  It's just too late to do so.

There is one with whom I have been dying to talk but I'm guessing she gave up on me a long time ago.  As I've said before, her rage is divine and her love is real.  I'm not stupid enough to think that I could be her lover though I love her always but, still, her acceptance and willingness to discuss what I am saying would mean so much.  If she doesn't get it to any extent, well, I think that tells the whole story.  She has been like my weather vane.  As far as I can tell, the wind has never changed.  

Sadly, there are extenuating circumstances in her case.  She might have written me off long ago, in which case, it may have nothing to do with her views on The Nail.  The only weather vane in which I ever had any confidence may have been frozen in place up to eight years ago.  Heck, the wind may have never even reached her.  My greatest hope is that she is pursuing an alternative to reincarnation or, maybe it is better described as an alternative form of reincarnation.  But, like I said, I know nothing about my weather vane's thoughts.

All of this is why it drives me crazy.  The answer is certainly there ... and, yet, there is not a damn thing I can do to prove it further in this lifetime because I am beyond my lifetime guarantee of fully functional operation.  I cannot take it to the next step.  I have proved it to some extent but I am in no a position to take it further.  It really is time to move on.

I cannot even go out and harangue the public with it for so many reasons.  First of all, I'm not that stupid.  Look what happens with verbal comments on anything.  It has always been the same for the last three millennia.  The stupoured press and powers-that-be excel at twisting words and situations to suit their bizarre, thoughtless agenda.  Journalism is like a raging bull that only sees the red cape it has been trained to focus on.  The people just follow along, right over the cliff.

I'm certainly not stupid enough to get nailed to a cross.  Sometimes I wonder if Jesus was explaining this all accurately two thousand years ago and it all got twisted due to his verbal pronouncements which became twisted due to the various intentions of the stupoured.  He sure got nailed to a cross.  Not that it did him any good.  Look how that has worked out for two thousand years.  If he isn't spinning in his grave, I would be stunned.

I don't actually believe that he had it right, since they were all dumber than a rock at the time (not that there has been any significant improvement).  This could distract me into describing my wonder at the idolization of our ancient, dumber-than-rock ancestors.  I'll avoid the temptation.  Maybe I'll post another on that topic, if I have the time and, of course, interest.  I think I've said it all already.

Being maybe the hugest fan of double entendre and irony, it just cracks me up when I think of the double meaning of Second Coming.  It really is what it's all about!  Christianity has been spouting the truth for two thousand years.  It is all about the second coming!  The irony is stunning and sometimes even steadies the smile on my face.

Anyways, I am left with one last route.  Reincarnation, which means I have to go, first.  Very frustrating.  Very tentative.  I try to comfort myself that, if I don't come back, why in the world am I supposed to care?  I will have entered a void from which care does not exist, if I am wrong about reincarnation.  And, like I said, I cannot get anywhere in this lifetime.  I don't see how else I move forward.  

I cannot end in despair or bitterness.  That's just not my style.  That makes it all the more difficult because I have to rely on determination.  The irony never ends.  I spend a lifetime in both physical and mental pain.  I resolve both.  Now it's time to go.  How's that for irony?  I was, otherwise, planning on waiting for the first signs of dercreptitude.

Even with coffee, the perky picker-upper that lets one face wholesale destruction and insanity with a smile, it's time to move on.  It just strikes me that I've not only picked myself up, time after time, throughout this lifetime (many lifetimes is my justified guess) of struggling to figure out what is wrong with humanity (which ended up being what is wrong with mankind), not to mention my own personal struggles. I actually figured it out at last and, even so, even though that is true, it will take another lifetime to see it bear fruit.  What really chills me is to think it may take more than one lifetime more, if I can't hit the ground running.